What Else Might Be True?
Have you heard of Cognitive Reframing? It is a very freeing technique for getting us out of our own heads and check our assumptions and biases at the door. Another tool for bringing our best selves to all situations.
So often I talk to people who are narrating and experience they’ve had with certainty about the “why”. They are certain why it happened. Certain about another person’s motives, thoughts, reasonings. I am forever curious about that. How can we know for certain why someone else has done what they’ve done or said what they’ve said?
Have you heard different stories told to open our eyes to this? For example, there’s the story of a man on a bus with his 3 young kids. He seems to be disconnected from whatever they are doing, allowing them to be as loud and disruptive as they like. The story is told from the point of view of another bus rider looking on. They are annoyed at his lack of parenting and his children’s lack of manners. Disgusted actually. At some point the father looks up and says “I’m sorry, I want them to feel as free as they can right now, we are on our way to the hospital where they will have to say goodbye to their mother for the last time.” Wow! I don’t think the onlooker expected that plot twist. The scene before them seemed obvious and clear. However, what concrete, irrefutable evidence did they have to support their assumptions?
It really points to - What Else Might Be True? There is so much that might be true. We cannot possibly know what is going on in another’s mind. Gosh, we struggle to understand our own minds at times!
When you can remain curious it really shifts how you bring yourself to a situation. And to be honest, you don’t need the answer to your curiosity. You just need to remain curious.
You have an employee who is late everyday. By stopping the assumptions - “they don’t care about their job”, “they do this because we used to be coworkers and they don’t respect me as their leader now.” - and remaining open to What Else Might Be True, you position yourself to lead without bias and lead with compassion. When you can be endlessly curious - “they may be looking after a sick family member”, “they may have stresses I have no idea about and don’t sleep well at night”, “their car may be out of commission and they cannot afford to repair it and have to walk miles to work because they can’t afford public transportation” “they might hate their job” “maybe they don’t respect you as their leader and don’t think you’ll call them out on it.” - the actual reason no longer matters. You have removed yourself from the position of judge. You can be compassionate to know that something is causing them to be late, remove yourself from needing to have that answer, and then proceed mind uncluttered to have an assertive conversation. How to best do that? State the facts, share your need, and let them solve it. You can read more on this in a previous blog post.
There’s always something else that might be true. Never assume you have the answers. As I like to say “my best guess is most likely to be wrong.” So don’t guess. Don’t assume.
What Else Might Be True?
Check out my free worksheet, Shift Happens, to support you with this cognitive reframing technique.
